


Between a Rock and a Rainstick

by Ladytalon



Category: Firefly
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-07
Updated: 2010-06-07
Packaged: 2017-10-09 23:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/92852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladytalon/pseuds/Ladytalon





	Between a Rock and a Rainstick

  
  
  
  
  


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**Title:** Between a Rock and a Rainstick  
**Author:** [](http://ladytalon1.livejournal.com/profile)[**ladytalon1**](http://ladytalon1.livejournal.com/)  
**Fandom:** Firefly  
**Pairing:** Simon/Jayne  
**Rating:** PG  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, not making any $$  
**Word Count:** 1013  
**A/N:** For [](http://ana-grrl.livejournal.com/profile)[**ana_grrl**](http://ana-grrl.livejournal.com/)'s Random Title Generator Fic Challenge, and my first ever attempt at S/J. Hover for translation :D

_   
**Between a Rock and a Rainstick**   
_

___________________________________

Apparently, there _was_ such a thing as saki goggles.

It had seemed like such a good idea at the time, Simon thought as he opened an eye cautiously and looked around. There had been wine, music, and...well, there had been _wine_. Now here he was in a filthy-looking bunk without any clothes on with an impressively muscled arm around his midsection and a man-ape snoring directly into his ear.

The doctor spied different articles of clothing strewn about and winced at the recollection of exactly how they'd ended up in the various places they were now decorating. His vest was draped around one of Jayne's smelly combat boots in rather attractive folds, his shirt appeared to be in the grime-encrusted sink for some reason and his pants were hanging in a somewhat resigned manner from the bunk ladder. Simon edged away from Jayne slowly, keeping in mind that most of the big man's guns were uncomfortably close. If he wanted to start using euphemisms, _all_ of Jayne's guns were uncomfortably close.

It took nearly half an hour just to get out from beneath Jayne's arm, since every time he moved the mercenary would simply smack his lips in his sleep and snuggle even closer. At long last, he was free and Simon lowered a foot over the side of the bed – as soon as his toes touched the floor, he nearly upset the pile of dirty dishes that looked as if they'd been sitting there for months. He grimaced and tried to wipe off a sticky dollop of…something…that had attached itself to the ball of his foot – it really wouldn't surprise him if the fungus started up his leg and he had to be hauled off to the infirmary to have it amputated. What in the 'verse _was_ that?

The bed creaked in an alarming fashion when Simon finally stood up and he whirled to stare fearfully down at the object of last night's unwise…camaraderie. He exhaled in relief when all Jayne did was clutch at his pillow and snore even louder so that it sounded like multiple depth charges going off inside a ration tin. Tiptoeing around the messy bunk took some time; the place was not unlike an obstacle course and while he longed to simply escape up the ladder, he needed to gather up all the evidence that he'd been there in the first place. If he did so, there was the slim chance that Jayne would simply think he had dreamed the whole thing and then Simon could relegate the incident to the part of his mind that housed his nightmares.

He paused to look over his shoulder at the huge mercenary, who had flopped over onto his stomach and was muttering something in his sleep about surgical tape. _It really hadn't been_ that _bad, though,_ Simon allowed – Jayne had actually been startlingly considerate for being…well, himself. Simon hadn't counted on that at all. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed once more. It was better to make his escape and let Jayne think he'd been dreaming.

Taking a mental inventory of his belongings before heading to the bunk ladder, Simon suddenly realized he was missing a vital piece of his wardrobe and looked around before he saw his underpants wrapped securely around the rainstick that the Elder of Triumph had given Jayne as a gift on the fateful day Saffron snuck aboard. That in and of itself wasn't the real problem, though. What _was_ the problem was the fact that the rainstick was carefully balanced on the topmost rung of the ladder.

_"Taikong suoyou de xingqiu saijin wo de pigu!"_

There was no way that the positioning of that stupid stick was an accident…which meant that Simon had woefully underestimated Jayne's intelligence. The man-ape had guessed at him trying to make an early morning escape and placed the thing directly in his path so that Simon could either remove it and the loud sound of the rice shifting within it would wake Jayne up as he high-tailed it out of the bunk, or he could remove it and the loud sound of the rice shifting would wake Jayne up as he tried to remove his underwear from the stick before he high-tailed it out of the bunk.

He'd heard of being caught between a rock and a hard place, and had even experienced that particular phenomena… but he'd never been caught between a rock and a rainstick.

Simon stared up at it in disbelief, then back at Jayne – who was wide awake and watching him with a highly amused expression on his face. "Well? Whatcha gonna do 'bout this bitty lil' situation you've got yerself into, Doc?" Jayne snickered. "You ain't never struck me as the 'love 'em an' leave 'em' type, but then you never know when you're out in the black an' someone's stolen your unders."

"Uh…"

Jayne propped himself up on one arm and folded back the tattered afghan that, if Simon remembered correctly, his mother had crocheted for him. "Figure you got a choice," the merc leered companionably at him. " You can run on back to that crazy-ass sister of your'n….an' Kaylee too, if'n she'll have ya though I'd say she won't try to make a pass at ya since she's figured you're sly as a gorram snake…or you can just come on back in here with me."

"What? Sly? _Me?_ No, I'm just-"

The big man interrupted with a shake of his head. "Wait, lemme guess….you just ain't that picky." He waggled his eyebrows and crooked a finger. "Me neither. Now c'mere."

Simon cast a look back up at the rainstick and sighed. "The next time you're in the infirmary…"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll letcha use them stirrups," Jayne guffawed.

He couldn't help the smile that was stretching the corners of his mouth. "You're the most uncouth primate I've ever met."

"You oughtta know, monkey boy. Now get that pretty lil' _pigu_ on over here _ma shong_ afore I gotta spank it."

Despite himself, Simon found himself intrigued. "Promise?"

  


~_fin_~  
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